Miracles

Today has been a day of miracles, not the miracle for which we had been praying, but powerful, life-changing miracles nonetheless.

From the moment we woke up this morning, we have been buoyed up and filled with the most wonderful spirit of grace and peace. I had a clarity of mind that allowed me to pray in detail. I went to the Lord and talked through all the possible outcomes. I asked Him about Brooke returning to His arms. I asked about Him healing her and returning her to us. And I asked Him about some of the in between situations, that honestly have been most terrifying for me, because I do not know how to make those decisions for her. Heavenly Father did not tell me what was going to happen today. Instead, He tenderly prepared my heart for each of those situations. I left that prayer prepared to thank Him and praise Him for whatever He would give me. And when I looked into Darren's eyes, I saw the same peace that I had found.

We spent the day similar to how we spent yesterday evening. We made Christmas ornaments with Brooke's handprints. We watched videos of her laughing, making faces, and exploring. We shared stories of all the ways she has brought joy in our life and sang Primary songs. We prayed and thanked God for the gift of 18 wonderful months with this precious little girl. With lots of family gathered around, Darren gave her a priesthood blessing. He told God that although we were here, asking for and believing in the miracle of healing her, we were also at peace with returning her to His arms.

Shortly after that powerful and tender blessing, Brooke's heart rate and blood pressure began to drop rapidly. We told the doctors that we did not want her resuscitated, and that we would like to let her go peacefully, but also that we wanted her organs to be donated. We have learned a lot about organ donation that we did not know at that time.

Apparently, in order to donate organs in the US, a donor has to first be legally declared either dead or brain dead. But if a person's heart has stopped, then most of their organs can't be used. Because of the drug that stopped the seizures and masks the condition of her brain (Pentabarb) is still in her system, the doctors have to wait until at least noon tomorrow to do their first full evaluation. In order to have her declared brain dead, they have to have two separate teams of doctors to do separate evaluations, 12 hours apart, in her case. If she hadn't been on the EEG, it would be 24 hours apart. After she has been declared legally brain dead, the organ donor people can start the process of testing her organs and finding matches. That takes at least 18 hours, but can take much longer. Because the process takes so long, it is fairly rare for a body to meet the physical criteria, and for family members to be able to handle it.

I feel that is part of the reason God has blessed us with this miraculous cocoon of grace. Without it, I don't think we could get through the next few days. But somewhere there are other families and friends praying for a miracle. They are praying for their little child to be able to laugh hard, to roll down hills, to play in the ocean, and to run after a dog. They are praying for a full and happy life for their precious baby. Now we are praying that Brooke's body will hold up through this process, and that she can be the means by which God works that miracle. Please pray with us for those unknown children.

Brooke's time on earth is at an end. She has had an amazing and joyful life. I have often wondered how God could bear to let her come down here, and I guess He knew that it would only be a short while. She has done what she needed to here on earth. She has made me a mother, and Darren a father. She has knit us so very close together. She has brought joy to everyone who has seen her. She has received her perfect, darling, chubby little body. She has lived every precious moment of her life to the fullest.

I hope that everyone who has hoped and prayed for our sweet little Brooke can feel some measure of the peace and grace we feel now. I know it is because of your powerful prayers and the mercy of God. Today I have felt light and happy. Never in a million years would I have ever thought that I would use those words to describe my heart on a day like today. But I have. I have felt lifted and floated. I have felt very close to the veil, and received wonderful spiritual impressions of the joy, beauty and love in the place where Brooke is now. We feel that her spirit has left her body, and that she is in the arms of our loving Savior, and with family that loves and cherishes her.