I have noticed that many of the views of my blog are coming from a forum thread where someone shared our story as part of their fears about their children choking. Since it is something I have also been thinking about a lot, I thought I would write it down. It is a bit distressing to write, and probably distressing to read also. Don't read it if you think it will just make you overly anxious. But maybe it will help someone be better prepared.
I have taken CPR and First Aid classes that included infants and children three times that I can remember. The most recent was when I was pregnant with Brooke. I knew choking was a very real risk, and I paid attention. Nonetheless, I'm sure I did several things wrong when Brooke inhaled that bean. I'm sharing because it helps me process, and I hope that it can help others be prepared. But please don't rely on this. Take a Red Cross class, and make sure you really get to practice on the baby manikins I don't remember doing that, at least in the most recent class.
I got my information from babycenter.com. Note that this is for kids over 12 months, infants are different.
1) Apparently I should have let Brooke keep coughing at the beginning. She might have been more effective at clearing the bean without my interference. I maybe watched her cough for 10 seconds, but it was very distressing because she obviously was having a very difficult time getting air.
2) When I hit her back, I don't think I had her head angled slightly upside down like you are supposed to do for infants. That was my intention, but I was too upset. However, I did have her leaning forward, like it says to do for a child. Brooke sort of seemed in between, and she was definitely small enough for me to hold like a baby.
3) I didn't hit her back hard enough, and I only hit her twice, not five times.
4) I totally didn't know what I was doing with the Heimlich, or chest thrusts. I don't think my hands were in the right place and I don't think I did it hard enough. However, she was completely not getting any air when I started, and she was getting a little air afterwards.
I can dwell on the things I did wrong, and the terror of those short minutes, and really torture myself. But I have been choosing to focus on messages of peace that the Lord has been providing me. My mom shared with me D&C 98:1 "Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks." Note that it is our choice to let our hearts be comforted. I don't believe that it is healing for me to think overly much on the things I can't change. But I do want to learn from my mistakes. I intend to take the Adult and Infant CPR and First Aid course soon.
I'm a bit concerned that I am going to become neurotic about choking hazards. It is really scary to think about all the things that a kid can choke on. I can see myself becoming completely unreasonable about it. Of course I'm going to be more careful, but I also hope that I don't let my fears get in the way of living life fully and joyfully. I want any future children that the Lord may bless us with to be able to play in gravel, pick blueberries, and eat apple slices, all without being traumatized by me scooping them up and constantly swiping their mouths for contraband.
xoxo
ReplyDeleteSo well said - love you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteSarah, my friend and backdoor neighbor told me about the death of her mother recently. Her mom and dad were serving a mission in Africa about 10 years ago. Every week her dad had a meeting with the stake presidency and her mom would, of course, tag along and sit in the hallway knitting or whatever during the meeting. One particular day the stake president told her that she didn't really have to be there and that she could stay home (although, as we all know, it's mission rules to stay with your companion). So, the next week she stayed home to prepare dinner for some missionaries coming over. My friend's dad came home from his meeting that night to find the house broken into and his wife murdered. Soon afterward a family friend of theirs was with Dallan H. Oaks and his wife when she received the news of the tragedy. Elder Oaks said that it was her time to go and that it did not matter how it happened but that it was her time. They could have been serving a mission in NYC instead and she would have been hit by a car (I'm sure it was said more eloquently by Elder Oaks than how I am relaying it to you), it did not matter how or where, but that it was going to happen. You have such a strong testimony. I know you are not but if there ever were a time when you would start to blame yourself I hope that you would remember this story. I hope this helps. Much Love, Brita
ReplyDeleteI hope you keeping writing here for a long, long time. You write well and I always walk away with something that has either lifted my heart or given me something to think about. Thank you for being brave enough to share what you have learned about choking. I know it wasn't easy. But I truly believe what was said that it was Brooke's time to go so nothing you did or didn't do would have changed that. Thank you also for the reminder that it is a choice to be comforted. It is a choice we must make more than once, and often almost every minute of every day, but it is still a choice. I love you so much sweet sister!
ReplyDeleteSarah, we could have dwelt on not being outside with Scott when he was run over and could have felt guilty all these years for what happened to him. We did go through our own grief and loss of what he might have been had he not been run over. However, we chose not to feel guilty about what is in the past and not let it ruin any more of our souls and living to the fullest. I am sure you will always be very cautious when it comes to choking.....that is natural and it will take a long time to relax a bit but I know you are very intelligent and will have the courage to let your future children be "normal healthy explorers"! Life happenings and trials bring us all wisdom and courage to keep going.I have faith you will make it through this! Love, Tess
ReplyDeleteI think that forum thread may have been started by me as I shared your story on a forum thread. I hope you don't mind that I shared your story on there. I really appreciate you sharing this information and I'm sure it will help many. It's already really helped me. I have learned so much from you, not just about choking, but about faith and perspective and so many things, just from reading your blog. I've always been a spiritual person of faith, but I've just felt the spirit so strongly with your story. I found myself crying daily for you and Darren and Brook after I read your story. I've also prayed for you every day. Today I prayed for you, but I have yet to cry. Something hit me the other day while I was crying about little Brooke. The Spirit spoke to me and said "You don't have to carry their burden for them. You don't need to grieve for them. The Lord did that. That's what the atonement was for." It was really clear to me that Heavenly Father was giving me a good lesson in the atonement. I also had a wonderful talk with my bishop on Sunday about Brooke and why Heavenly Father takes children of loving, faithful parents back to His presence. I learned so much. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear that it has been helpful. And I don't mind at all that you shared it. One of the most comforting and healing things for me is to hear how God is working good out of this tragedy. We were told that we would hear back from the organ donor people in around 3 weeks, and I can't help counting the days. But the greatest miracles I hear about are the changes in people's hearts. I love it every time I hear someone say that they spent more time with someone they love, or that they were more patient with their child or spouse.
DeleteI wanted to add that the other day I got Alistair, my one year old, out of his carseat after driving and he was holding a hard candy in his hand! The worst choking hazard you could imagine. I have absloutely no idea where it came from, but I'm just lucky he didn't put it in his mouth while we were driving. The other day I had to grab a tiny ball of paper from his hand. There is just no way to know. Kids always find something. I'm glad you aren't blaming yourself (as you shouldn't), but I just wanted to share that it doesn't matter how vigilant you are, things happen. And I also aspire not to be neurotic about choking, although I kind of already am because I watched my mom choke when I was a teenager (my dad was able to dislodge with the Heimlich). And I also wanted to say that I thought I kinda knew what to do but I actually had no idea what to do abut choking until I learned about Brooke.
ReplyDeleteI've been extra cautious about choking hazards, but it's impossible to eliminate all of the dangers... I'll do what I reasonably can, but the only other thing I can do is just to enjoy each and every day that I have my boys. It certainly seems like that's the way you lived your life with Brooke. You enjoyed every moment and allowed her to do the same! I think that's the best way you could have spent your time, instead of constantly worrying and trying to prevent every kind of accident!
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