Brooke's funeral

We are planning to have Brooke's funeral on Saturday, and we welcome anyone to come celebrate her joyful, loving life with us. The funeral service is at 2:30. We are planning to have a viewing starting at 1:00, although it is possible that there will be a hang up with the medical examiner, because he doesn't work holidays, and may have more urgent things to do. We will post on Facebook and this blog if that changes.

We are also having a reception after the funeral, also at the church, with pumpkin bread and videos and slideshows of Brooke. We would love to visit and hear your memories of Brooke and how she has affected your life.

The funeral will be held at the LDS Church at 8615 176th Street East, Puyallup, WA

Because so many have been asking, some friends set up a fund for donations if you wish. Because of the Tears Foundation and the Seattle's Children's Hospital Uncompensated Care Fund, along with surprising good insurance, we are not going to be financially burdened because of this experience. However, we would very much like to be able to support these wonderful charities, along with Olive Crest, with whom we were foster parents. Please consider donating either to one of these organizations directly, or to this fund.  Thank you!

THE BROOKE E. JAGGI MEMORIAL FUND
Many friends and family have expressed a desire to send flowers for Brooke’s funeral service or to help the Jaggis with the medical and funeral expenses. Friends of the Jaggi family have created the Brooke

 E. Jaggi Memorial Fund. Brooke’s family requests that those wishing to support the Jaggi family make a donation to the Fund. Your donations will be used to cover Brooke’s medical and funeral expenses, and all remaining funds will be donated to one or more of the following charities that have helped Sarah and Darrren through this difficult time: The TEARS Foundation (http://www.thetearsfoundation.org/), Seattle Children’s Hospital Uncompensated Care Fund (http://www.seattlechildrens.org/videos/uncompensated-care/), and Olive Crest (http://www.olivecrest.org/).
You can donate to the Brooke E. Jaggi Memorial Fund by:
• Wells Fargo Bank: Make a deposit to account number 7862923385 or by the name Brooke E Jaggi Memorial Fund. Deposits can be made at any branch, transferred from another Wells Fargo account or mailed in.
• PayPal: Make a PayPal transfer to the brookejaggimemorialfund@gmail.com PayPal account. Don’t worry if it says something about the money going to Sierra – that’s the name of the friend who created the Fund. The money will be deposited into the memorial fund account at Wells Fargo.
We can’t even begin to express how touched we have been by all of your love, prayers, and support. Thank you so much for all you have done for Sarah and Darren. Love, the Temus Family.

Hope and Fear and Hopefully Hope Again

Finally, good news, and this process to allow Brooke to be an organ donor is almost finished. The doctors pronounced her officially brain dead early this morning, around 3 am. I don't think that you want to know the details of what it takes to get that determination, but it was really long and hard. The organ donor people have been working hard to evaluate the condition of her organs, and match them to recipients. Right now, it looks like they have three kids who will be receiving her heart, kidneys, liver, pancreas and part of her intestines. It is so rare to have the opportunity to provide the miracle of a full and active life to three little ones as one of the outcomes of such a terrible tragedy. Life and death at the same time.

Earlier in the waiting room we happened to meet the dad of a little 3 month old boy, who has been in the hospital since the day he was born. The doctors say that the only way he will be able to grow up is if he has a heart transplant, but the parents don't feel that they can even pray for that miracle, because of what that would mean for another baby.

I've never experienced the power of prayer like we have over the last couple of days. It was truly the most spiritual experience of my life. Now we're coming down from that, starting to come down to just what is left of us without all those prayers. We are different, sort of stronger, but really fragile. Maybe kind of like what my muscles feel like after a really long, hard hike.

We went home last night for the first time. There have been very kind elves working in our apartment, picking up toys and beans, and washing our clothes. I don't even know who they all were, but thank you! I'm not going to be able to wash her handprints off of the mirrors and windows for a long time though. We have a long way to go in grieving, and learning how to live our lives without her.

I've discovered that there are at least two parts to grieving. The first part was finding peace and acceptance with letting Brooke go. We've been so blessed to find that here in the hospital. We completely turned our beloved baby over to God, with a sure knowledge that He loves her and us. We know that He would not take her from us now unless there was a very good reason, or even many good reasons. We trust Him with all our souls, and we believe that we will be reunited with her, and even have the opportunity to raise her.

But she has been our whole life! Everything we do, love, think about, plan on, dream of, it all revolves around Brooke. And now she's gone! She is leaving a gaping, raw hole in our lives. We have amazing family and friends. Darren has his job, and I'm trying to make some plans. But we have a lot of adjusting to do. It's a whole new painful, scary world that we're preparing to wade out into. It is terrifying. I don't know how I could do it without the gift of peace and acceptance with letting her go. And I don't know how I could actually step out of the hospital and attempt to move on without knowing that God won't let me down. That He is here with us through every painful trial. I'm still scared, but I have hope that Heavenly Father has a plan and a work for us as well as Brooke. I just don't know what that is yet.

Miracles

Today has been a day of miracles, not the miracle for which we had been praying, but powerful, life-changing miracles nonetheless.

From the moment we woke up this morning, we have been buoyed up and filled with the most wonderful spirit of grace and peace. I had a clarity of mind that allowed me to pray in detail. I went to the Lord and talked through all the possible outcomes. I asked Him about Brooke returning to His arms. I asked about Him healing her and returning her to us. And I asked Him about some of the in between situations, that honestly have been most terrifying for me, because I do not know how to make those decisions for her. Heavenly Father did not tell me what was going to happen today. Instead, He tenderly prepared my heart for each of those situations. I left that prayer prepared to thank Him and praise Him for whatever He would give me. And when I looked into Darren's eyes, I saw the same peace that I had found.

We spent the day similar to how we spent yesterday evening. We made Christmas ornaments with Brooke's handprints. We watched videos of her laughing, making faces, and exploring. We shared stories of all the ways she has brought joy in our life and sang Primary songs. We prayed and thanked God for the gift of 18 wonderful months with this precious little girl. With lots of family gathered around, Darren gave her a priesthood blessing. He told God that although we were here, asking for and believing in the miracle of healing her, we were also at peace with returning her to His arms.

Shortly after that powerful and tender blessing, Brooke's heart rate and blood pressure began to drop rapidly. We told the doctors that we did not want her resuscitated, and that we would like to let her go peacefully, but also that we wanted her organs to be donated. We have learned a lot about organ donation that we did not know at that time.

Apparently, in order to donate organs in the US, a donor has to first be legally declared either dead or brain dead. But if a person's heart has stopped, then most of their organs can't be used. Because of the drug that stopped the seizures and masks the condition of her brain (Pentabarb) is still in her system, the doctors have to wait until at least noon tomorrow to do their first full evaluation. In order to have her declared brain dead, they have to have two separate teams of doctors to do separate evaluations, 12 hours apart, in her case. If she hadn't been on the EEG, it would be 24 hours apart. After she has been declared legally brain dead, the organ donor people can start the process of testing her organs and finding matches. That takes at least 18 hours, but can take much longer. Because the process takes so long, it is fairly rare for a body to meet the physical criteria, and for family members to be able to handle it.

I feel that is part of the reason God has blessed us with this miraculous cocoon of grace. Without it, I don't think we could get through the next few days. But somewhere there are other families and friends praying for a miracle. They are praying for their little child to be able to laugh hard, to roll down hills, to play in the ocean, and to run after a dog. They are praying for a full and happy life for their precious baby. Now we are praying that Brooke's body will hold up through this process, and that she can be the means by which God works that miracle. Please pray with us for those unknown children.

Brooke's time on earth is at an end. She has had an amazing and joyful life. I have often wondered how God could bear to let her come down here, and I guess He knew that it would only be a short while. She has done what she needed to here on earth. She has made me a mother, and Darren a father. She has knit us so very close together. She has brought joy to everyone who has seen her. She has received her perfect, darling, chubby little body. She has lived every precious moment of her life to the fullest.

I hope that everyone who has hoped and prayed for our sweet little Brooke can feel some measure of the peace and grace we feel now. I know it is because of your powerful prayers and the mercy of God. Today I have felt light and happy. Never in a million years would I have ever thought that I would use those words to describe my heart on a day like today. But I have. I have felt lifted and floated. I have felt very close to the veil, and received wonderful spiritual impressions of the joy, beauty and love in the place where Brooke is now. We feel that her spirit has left her body, and that she is in the arms of our loving Savior, and with family that loves and cherishes her.

Brooke vs. the Bean

Wednesday evening around 5:30 I was working on dinner while Brooke played with one of her very favorite toys, dried kidney beans. I was feeling quite brilliant because I had thought to put her and her beans in a large plastic storage bin. She was having a great time, and I was thrilled, because nary a bean was to be seen skittering around my kitchen floor, and dinner was nearly done. She started coughing a little, and rubbing her nose, then her breathing started to become distressed. I picked her up and hit her back, then she stopped breathing and I tried the Heimlich. Nothing happened, I called 911 and tried hitting her back again. While I was on the phone, she started crying and coughing, but I could hear that there was an obstruction.

I think that the ambulance arrived in about a minute. It felt like a very long minute, but it really was very fast. I ran downstairs with Brooke, leaving the oven on, music playing and the door open. The paramedics were strapping us in together to take her to the ER when she went into cardiac arrest. They took her from me to start CPR and put in a breathing tube. I called Darren to come home and get the car. It is normally a 15 minute walk, up a steep hill. I think he was home in 5! They took us to Evergreen Hospital in Kirkland, probably 15 to 20 minutes. I've never cursed rush hour traffic so vehemently. At the ER she went into cardiac arrest again. They resuscitated her, re-intubated her, and put her back in the ambulance to go to Children's Hospital in Seattle.

At Children's, we were met by a special team. All they do is remove foreign bodies from the trachea of small children! After a quick priesthood blessing (thank you Dave and Sierra), she was in the OR, and the bean was out, although significantly larger than when it went in. Her right lung ruptured a little, because they had to use so much pressure to get enough air past the bean, but that is healing well.

Her brain is another story, that we probably won't know the ending of for way too long. If the damage was minor, then she should have woken up after coming out of the anesthesia, but she didn't. Instead, she started having seizures. Constant seizures every 2 seconds or so, for over 24 hours. It was so awful to watch. The doctors tried all kinds of drugs all night, and most of the next day. Nothing changed. Finally they added one that works, although it can damage the liver and pancreas, and it puts her in a coma (Pentobarbital). But we can deal with that. The hope is that stopping the seizures with drugs for a while (a couple days is the current plan) will allow her brain to rest and reset. Then the doctors will start decreasing the Pentobarb and increasing other drugs that won't knock her out and hopefully the seizures won't come back.

They know that the seizures are coming from deep in her brain, and are the result of brain damage. But they don't know how severe it is yet. If the seizures don't stop, or if they can't control them with more mild drugs, it is a sign of very severe brain damage, and they would have to put her back in the Pentobarb coma. The longer she is in a coma, the worse the likely outcome.

She is going in for an MRI in the next hour, and that should provide some more information. We pray that it is good.

So please pray, with every bit of faith you have ever hoped to have. She is in the hands of God. We know He loves her, even more than we do. And we know He loves us. We also believe that He is a god of miracles, and that those miracles are worked according to our faith. She has received two priesthood blessings, promising that she will recover. We don't feel that Heavenly Father wants to take her back, and we so desperately want to see her bright blue eyes filled with laughter again.

We are so very very thankful for all the of the love and prayers offered for Brooke and ourselves. We are thankful for the power of the priesthood, and the love and service that have been given. Thank you for asking your family and friends to pray for her too. Please keep it up. We have a long road ahead of us, and we appreciate knowing that we have your shoulders to cry on, and your faith to lean on. And we're grateful for the many offers of help. I'm afraid we are going to need it. We are thankful for the peace and strength that have been clear answers to heartfelt, pleading prayers. He gives us what we need to get through the next few hours, and then He gives us more. I pray, that through your prayers for our sweet baby girl, that you will also experience that sweet peace, reassurance and strength.

A Toast to Five Beautiful Years!

The first time I realized that Darren was really, truly marriage material, was the evening I went to his apartment thinking that we were probably going to breaking up that night. I'm so glad that I was wrong!

I had a lengthy list of concerns, and reasons that we weren't going to make a good match. I had been chewing them over in my head for weeks, and getting myself all twisted up. Dating can be painful! Darren is fairly perceptive though, so he asked what was bothering me. So I told him. All of it. All at once. Straight. With little cushioning of what would offend most people. And then I waited for him to react. I really expected that we would be breaking up, and I was heartbroken, because I really liked him! I just didn't see marriage in our future with the concerns that I had.

But he didn't blow up, and he didn't get defensive. He didn't brush off my concerns, or tell me all of my faults.

He listened. And he acknowledged the truth in what I said, although he corrected me on a couple things. And I was stunned by the strongest impression that this was a man I could get through anything with.

Sure, he was a lot of fun to date. He had lots of experience planning fun dates! He was creative, thoughtful and adventurous. When we started dating, I thought that was going to be the extent of our relationship, a couple months of fun dates.

 But that painful conversation showed me the kind of man Darren is, and gave me an inkling of what we could be together.

We have continued to seek out adventures together, and he still plans the occasion amazing date. This anniversary celebration at Paradise at Mount Rainier is a good example!

But I am most grateful that God prepared me, and led me to Darren. To this man with whom I can share my whole heart. My hopes, my dreams, my fears and my worries.

I love seeing him as a dad. I had a pretty good idea of the kind of dad he would want to be, and that was and is one of his sexiest features!

I know that five years is really so short, and that our greatest challenges and our greatest joys are probably still ahead of us. But these years since we met have been the happiest in my life. 

Moving

When we first contemplated moving into Mom and Dad's basement, I had a few reservations. From listening to most people, living with one's parents is only slightly better than residing in a cardboard box in an alley. So we kept our options open in case a speedy return to Bellevue was necessary to save our marriage and our relationship with my parents. Turns out, living with these particular parents is fantastic! But after well over a year, Darren has a new job in Redmond, and the commute from Puyallup is brutal. In addition, my manager at PSE wanted me back full-time, which would just be too much time away from Brooke. So I quit, which means we don't really need Mom to babysit on a regular basis. With much reluctance, we decided it was time to move out on our own again. This is both wonderful and horrible. I love running my own tiny little household, but I also really, really miss the sharing. Sharing meals, sharing Brooke, sharing our news, sharing the bounty of Mom's awesome garden. That was great. We like our cute little apartment though! Darren walks to work, Brooke and I walk to the grocery store and the park, and we can even walk to church!

 Brooke keeps her priorities straight, with a PB&J as her first meal in our new home.

My cousin Ray, his wife Janet, and their wonderful kids came to help. They were such a help! Our couch and Darren's desk might still be in the parking lot without them.

We made a trip to IKEA to contemplate some new furnishings, and we very nearly brought back this little rocking horse. Brooke sure thought he belonged with her!

The Fair

So, to be precisely correct, Brooke's first introduction to the great Puyallup Fair was last year, but she wasn't able to express much of an opinion on anything. She wasn't allowed to taste an onion burger or taffy, and she thought that empty horse stalls were as interesting as the merry-go-round. But this year was a different story!

Her favorite part, and therefore our favorite part, was the petting zoo. She ran over all the 4-year-olds while chasing a certain goat and sheep around the pen. The goat in particular received lots of affection from our animal-loving little toddler.

And there were more animals! What joy!

 At a certain point, she let us know that she was ready to explore on her own two feet, and her adoring entourage just followed, snapping photos!

Sadly, she is too young to be allowed on any rides, but that just means we have them to look forward to next year! And really, she was well entertained by her favorite past time, eating!

Chocolate milk from the Dairy Barn

Taffy! Licorice flavored. She wasn't too sure at first, but had strong feeling about it being taken away.

Scones!

Onion burgers! That wonderful smell that takes me back to classrooms at Meeker, Kalles and Puyallup! It's really hard to focus on school when your nose is at the Fair.

Funnel cake, and yes, Darren did share with Brooke, I just thought he was cuter than her, at least in these pictures!

With a little determination, we even tracked down the giant pumpkins as they were being weighed. All of this year's three biggest pumpkins were record breakers!